Some of my women friends complain about the distribution of household chores and parenting duties. Even when husbands are able to participate fully, women acknowledge that it is not satisfying when they have to ask their spouse to do something; and it is enormously satisfying if the husband instead takes the initiative to carry out a task that he knows requires doing, without being asked.

Similarly, it is frustrating to constantly have to nag a child to do something when the child is old enough and responsible enough to initiate carrying out the task himself. Initiative comes with independence. When a child feels secure and is mastering tasks appropriate for *his age, he feels good about himself and his march towards independence. This independence allows him to be actively “present” and to live life with a purposefulness as opposed to merely performing tasks by rote. Whereas obeying rules and following instructions were once extremely important in schools and the workplace, creativity, imagination and initiative are now the attributes that are highly valued.

As parents (and it also applies to teachers) we have the tricky task of providing guidance and instruction to our children, but not too much. There must be enough room for our children to learn by experiencing their own mistakes and by discovering what motivates them. When children have too much external pressure they do not have enough room to discover their own natures and interests. All expressive mediums (writing, drama, art, dance), contribute to the process of individuation and self-discovery and consequently enables our children to act with initiative.

*substitute her for your daughter